30 Day Truth Challenge: Day 17

A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

So, clearly it is impossible for me to keep myself on track with something I thought I really wanted to do. I guess better late than never is an acceptable process for this new post. A book that has changed my views on something. I know this probably sounds wonky but the book, Fifty Shades of Grey actually changed my views on the way that I see people. Both men and women. For a long time I thought that I was just one of those girls that wanted a man like Christian Grey, you know the type: dreamy, rich, successful, adventurous, sexy.... the works. I've also always had some amount of interest in the sexual styles of BDSM and have wanted to try being a submissive lover. So one would think, although I absolutely hate the Twilight books and think they are trash for literature, Fifty Shades of Grey would totally be my thing. Not so fast blogger world. 

Here's the thing. I can easily get past the lack of literary merit that exists in many, if not all romance novels because there's nothing juicer than reading about all the sex and imagining it in my head. What this book lead me to realize is that the dreamy, rich, successful, adventurous, and sexy guy is not a real thing. That guy is most definitely a controlling jack ass. He pretends to care about the things I want even though he just ants to use me as a means to an end. I can live without that kind of shit. Honestly I can. Weirdly enough, this book has made me so much happier with the state of my being a highly independent person who wants so much out of life. I don't want a man if that means my dream might be sacrificed because I have to give into his livelihood. I want to be my own adventurous, successful, and rich person. (I'll probably never be dreamy or sexy, but I'm okay with that.) I don't want some man to be all those things for me. I want to be them for myself.

In reality, I probably knew all of these things beforehand. After reading that book though it really made them clear to me. It also made very clear to me my existing semi/dependence on men for happiness. Fuck that shit for life. 

Love, 

Me!

I do!

HNEW TYEARS

HAPPY NEW YEARS blog world


This entry may be a bit crazyy vecaue i am a little bit drunk toward the 2nd hour of the new year but i dont rreally care that much. i am very upset with my dear friend jylessa ..... she is the black one i dont know if i have talked about her yet but she totes cock blocked me this new years even as i tried to get my fuck on with this guy in a band or somthingl...... i dont really remember his name or anything but thats kind of whtever you know what im saying'.? im also a little upset that i was trying to order me some pizza shuttle but i totes missed out bcause that loveyly froend of mine decideded it was time to leave.


idk anymore

love you all he mostes

<3
MEggie Mapes and shix

happy new year


i also wanna fuck those mo state bozy

30 Day Truth Challenge: Day 16

Someone or something you definitely could live without.

I could definitely live my life without all of this fucking bullshit drama that everyone is so prone to. I mean fucking seriously people I don't give a fuck about all of these bitches who want to do nothing but run their mouths and start fights. I could really live without these girls bringing me into all of their bullshit like I don't have anything better to do than run my mouth. I mean seriously my life is so busy as it is with work, school, and debate. Its as if I have 3 full time jobs I'm attempting to juggle so I don't have time for this. I don't have time for people pretending to be my friends, I don't have time for people thinking things about me that aren't true, and I don't have time for little girls who think its okay to drop my name in their own drama. 

Someone please tell me how this happened. What is it in the human genetic code that makes so many people act shady. 

30 Day Truth Challenge: Day 15

Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

There are so many things that I could not live without. 

1. My cellphone - I took a challenge to go for a week without my cellphone and failed miserably. I think I got through two days before I broke down. I don't feel as bad about this anymore because now that we live in such a technological age where its actually not okay (or possible) to just walk up to a friends house and see if they can "come out and play" like we could when I was a little kid. We need our cellphones and other forms of technology to stay in touch with the people we care about. 

2. My best friend Angel - She's been my rock for so long. She's been my best friend since 2004 and I don't really know what I would do without her in my life. Throughout the years we've have our series of fights that resulted in us questioning our friendship but somehow we managed to overcome each one from me dating her ex to her taking guys she knew I was interested in and her abusing our friendship to go see guys. But out of everything we had our moments that made us remember why we were brought together as friends. 

FUCK YOU SOROSTITUTE

So blog world, in case you were wondering, I have the absolute worst taste is friends. In what happened to be my friend Sarah's mistake of leaving herself logged into her gmail on my computer, she was also logged into her "secret" blog where she rants and vents and blah blah blah. So I never really thought a whole lot about it but today I just kind of decided I wanted to go check out some of her blog posts and see if there was anything particularly hilarious on it. She talks all the time about how she bitches and talks shit on Rachel, Olivia, Jyleesa, etc. I assumed there was probably a real fucked up post about me from sometime that I pissed  her off or did something she didn't appreciate. What I didn't realize is that this would be what I came across. Its pretty offensive and I never really thought that she was the type of person to truly low blow me or think these things. I guess I was wrong. I don't think I've ever been so hurt by something written about me. I don't really know what to think or do because this is personal and blah blah blah like her diary. I just unfollowed her on twitter and deleted her from my friends on facebook. Yeah that just happened. Maybe its an overreaction but no matter how pissed off you are at someone the shit she wrote was beyond mean and hurtful. I really wish I never looked at her blog. I wish she didn't stay logged into her gmail on my phone. 

Here's what she wrote about me. 

I get the whole obese thing is factually true. Its a struggle I deal with. If you're one of those people who like to troll and make fun of people for being obese then please just go away. I really don't need that. 

Sometimes you just rant

RANT:  11/3

Sometimes it amuses me that people call me their friend, talk to me, joke with me, and occasionally pretend to make me feel wanted yet here I am once again at another debate tournament and I spend my nights in the hotel room alone. You stood in front of me while you invite Peg to come hang out with you and Olivia and didn't even think to make a half-hearted "you can come toooo, if you want" comment that is a universal signal for for please dear god let this bitch say she doesn't want to. I didn't realize that you life your new freshman so much better than me now. hat the fuck is up with that?
This weekend was another disappointing debate tournament that made me want to fall into a hole. How do I even think that being apart of this community is worth it anymore. It kind of kills me inside. I'm suffering a life of dilemma once again because Jyleesa has asked me ONCE AGAIN to debate with her. I always feel really bad about her feelings and whatnot because I consider her a friend but we've been down this road before and its a bad idea. No its a terrible idea. Its probably an epic shit show of an idea tbh... I really want to debate with Tom Garvey because I know he's good and I would stop losing so many shitty debates. It sucks that Harris hates him so much because he could be a real asset. On the other hand Jyleesa would hate me.

UPDATE: 11/7

So it's official. Jyleesa and I will not be debating together in January. She seems to be taking it pretty harshly. Seeing that immediately after I tell her that I don't think it would be a very good idea she gets all sorts of cray and decides to make a facebook post about it. I mean seriously " my hand is forced" Well maybe if you weren't such a bitch to everyone who has ever debated with you then manybe your hand wouldn't be forced . Just Saying.....

It is what it is I guess because, for all of the haters out there who think I'm screwing her over. It's pretty simple. She and I do not ideologically align together. Its really fucking bad. I mean seriously. We probably wouldn't be able to even being attempting the process of putting a pref sheet together. On top of that, all she did in an attempt to convince me to change was talk a wreck of shit on my current debate partner that everyone in the community seems to like. Alot. So please bitch take your mouth somewhere else. When I told her I didn't want to make the change she didn't really get it. I wasn't saying I didn't want to switch partners but I was happy where I was and instead she went on a rant about how I won't get another partner but I'll be "stuck" with him. Like seriously? STUCK?!?! It's better than being stuck with you....fucking shit.


That's my rant for today.

<3 MEggie

Sex Deprivation Blues

Sometimes I make mistakes....
I've learned at this point in my life that being sex deprived for extended periods of time can make a girl crazy. So I'm going through a pretty terrible dry run as you might call it. It's been almost a year since the last time I've had sex and it makes me depressed sometimes. I find myself lost in a world people constantly having sex and I'm almost willing to suffer the experience of horrible sex just to be included. At least that's they way it happens in my dreams. I've started dreaming about sex a lot. The best or maybe the worst part is that my dream sex is pretty damn amazing lol.

But seriously. I've reached the point where I might just go to the bar and pick up some random guy at the bar and take him home. That's probably not the best strategy for fixing my little problem but its the best I got as of right now it seems.

I'm not really sure the purpose of this post except to just try and let out some of my aches and pains so that maybe it won't be as bad anymore. Who really knows.

LOVE LOVE LOVE
Meggie